One of the more fascinating things about having teenagers is their inability to properly perceive the balance of power within a household.
In our household, for example, this misperception manifests in my teenagers feeling that they can tell me which groceries that I (and my wife) pay for I have the right to consume and which I do not.
The most recent iteration of this one-sided battle occured over Gatorade. My wife buys a crate of 12 ounce gatorades when she shops, and I enjoy drinking them. I feel that I am entitled to drink the gatorades that I pay for but my teenagers- 16 and 13- seem to have a different opinion.
They came to me not long ago and asked that I stop drinking THEIR gatorades.
This morning, I decided to rebut their feelings, and I sent them this text:
“Dearest Older Children: I have decided, much to your chagrin, that I greatly enjoy gatorade too. Due to this revelation, I am drinking the gatorades. I know you feel that this is a flagrant violation of your inalienable rights, to which I counter with the argument that I work to jobs to keep your asses in clothes, sheltered, and fed. I know you think this is a weak argument on my part and that my efforts in no way entitle me to the occasional 12 ounces of gatorade. I counter your feelings with the statement that I will dring exactly as many fucking gatorades as I want. However, in what I view as an unnecessary concession to you, if we get short I will procure more ath the local supermarket”
Only one responded- the 16 year old girl. She said “You work TWO jobs- not to!”
WE ARE TRYING TO LIVE IN A SOCIETY!