NFC Least- Lamentations of a WFT Fan

I have news for all of ya, it is none of our year next year. Here is what will happen:

WFT- my team. We will get a name which is great, because the further this Hindenburg of a franchise gets from the beloved team of my past the better. Although I agree with the name change, I think the Native Americans really got pissed when the team bearing any reference to them was a constant embarrassment on and off the field. and who can blame them? One can only wonder what off field calamities can top the ones from this season: A federal law enforcement bust, a 10 million dollar lawsuit before anyone stepped on the field, a scandal involving our ex GM that our shrew of an owner tried to deflect by creating a half assed, last second tribute to one of our most beloved players that insulted his legacy and our intelligence simultaneously, a sudeline brawl, etc. On top of that, our high priced loud-mouthed self-aggrandizing Brian Bosworthesque defenders will continue to look like a circus act against anyone with any semblance of talents which will result in lopsided losses to all but

The NY Giants: One can only stand in slack-jawed wonder that the one NFL franchise that may be more dysfunctional than the WFT just happens to be in the same division. I think Barkley may hire guys to do a Tonya Harding on him every week because he sees himself going down the Barry Sanders expressway. Jason Garrett must have jumped for joy when this horrorshow of a franchise let him go, and boy should he have. For those who didn’t watch the anemic slugfest between the NFC East cellar dwellers that ended the season, you missed the Giants calling two qb sneaks on like 2nd and 15 and third and 12. Running a pass route for the Giants is a clinic in existentialism: sure you COULD do it, but why? You’d have a better chance of catching ebola in Antarctica than catching a ball as a Giants’ receiver. On top of that, you have a revolving door of coaches who are not only bad at their jon but also a media disaster, and you have a recipe for a last place team. Which brings me to

The Eagles- Honestly the band the Eagles has just as good of a chance at winning the Super Bowl as the football team. The worst thing about the Eagles for their fans is that they show signs of life from time to time only to be sucked down by the quicksand of futility year after year (except for that once). The Eagles fans have the misfortune of playing us and the Giants four times per season. and each time those games give them the belief that their horrible team and their awful qb are going somewhere. Well they are going somewhere: they are going to finish second in the division behind Dallas and then possibly limp into the playoffs only to get demolished by whichever division leader decides to throw a few games so they can spank them in the playoffs. Which brings me to

The Dallas Cowboys- How many NFL owners can you name off the top of your head? For me it’s our narcissistic little hobgoblin, Jerry Jones, and Robert Kraft. I only know Kraft because I listen to Howard, because his team won every year for a bit, and because he recently chose to substitute one happy ending for a different kind of happy ending and made the news. You shouldn’t know your team’s owner’s name, but Jerry Jones makes sure you do, and the results for fans has to be you wish you never heard of him. The Cowboys are the least miserable franchise in this quagmire, and they are practically gifted 6 wins a year over the hapless divisional competition- so long as Dak doesn’t have to actually think. If he does, he will scramble with no timeouts, land in the middle of the field like a duck felled by a shotgun, then cry like a bit h about the refs when he should have done ANYTHING else. The Cowboys boast a defense that everyone raves about primarily because they are busy kicking the crap out of three inept teams for a third of the season and then over like a scared puppy when they face a decent team, or even a nominal team (Vegas). On top of that you have a RB who needs to retire, another who can’t stay healthy, and two top notch wide outs who in their heart of hearts have to wish they played with one of the ten other qbs who could make them pro bowlers.

Let’s face it y’all- next year ain’t ANY of our years AND this group is called NFC East trash talk because we are all trash and we can talk!