Geriatric Gym Rats

My fellow Americans, it is time to band together to fight against a troubling issue that threatens the mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing of our nation.
I am not talking about abortion, nor am I talking about gun rights. I am not talking about continued federal funding of stem cell research, nor am I talking about the legalization of marijuana. I am not even talking about death with dignity.
What I am calling on all of us to unite against is something far more insidious, pervasive, and disturbing. I am calling on all of us to force geriatric people who walk around naked for prolonged amounts of time in gym locker rooms to PUT ON THEIR CLOTHES, or WEAR A TOWEL.

Pavlovian response to naked oldster in the gym locker room

I don’t know what happened in the baby boomer generation, but there was obviously a gene, albeit recessive, that causes an inordinate amount of senior citizens to think that meandering around naked through the locker room, all the while engaging you in conversations, bending over to pick things up, and even getting too close to you when you are at crotch level putting on your shoes is perfectly acceptable; it is NOT.

Two of the myriad things I would rather see than an octogenarian nude.

I have even,on one occasion, observed a man who looked like a cross between the abominable snowman from “Rudolph the Rednose Reindeer” and Gandalf the Wizard blow drying his “down there hair” in full view of any onlooker ( most of whom later Oedipused themselves) who had the misfortune to gaze in his direction.

Oedipus after plucking out his own eyes- not because he saw his mother, but because he saw an antediluvian man naked at the Parthenon

It didn’t occur to the oldster that this behavior is odd no matter WHAT, but it is certainly odd to be strumming pubes while flicking a blow dryer around and… I won’t even go further out of respect for all of you.
I personally am not interested in seeing naked dudes ( not that there’s anything wrong with that) on ANY occasion no matter what their bodies look like, but if I HAVE to view a naked dude, I would prefer it not be a wrinkly curmudgeon whose man boobs look like they have bungy jumped off his sternum and clavicle and landed on a balloon belly.
This is a nation that is too often divided. Political parties dictate voting norms, rhetoric masks the entirety of important issues, and people will get into fist fights over putting on a mask. But, I propose to you that this is an issue we can all get behind (and NOT for the view)!