Explosive Introversion!
I am a “life of the party” kind of guy.
The party may suck, and you may not like the party, but I really enjoy meeting people, conversing, listening to music, and doing outlandish things, especially when those things mortify my 15 and twelve year old.
For example, I have been known to be seized by Dionysus at long traffic lights when my fifteen year old is in the car with me and leap out, dancing wildly to The Beastie Boys which blares from the speakers of my very dadish SUV. I explain to my red-faced offspring as she slowly emerges from wherever she went in the car to avoid being seen with me, that I was simply born to party. I can no more stop the need to party then I can will myself to not smell a searing NY strip on my grill or to not see the great scene in The Big Lebowski where John Goodman shakes the ashes of the deceased Donny into The Dude’s beard on my mental telescreen.
Yes, I am at one with partying, right up to the point where I am not.
As a younger man, I was introduced to the Myers- Briggs Test. I know that it is now looked upon as being inaccurate, but I always thought my letters- ENTP — suited me to a tee. However, I was always surprised at how close the “E” representing extroversion and the I , representing introversion were. I saw myself as the ultimate extrovert. Was I not the man who roamed my college campus in a toga in order to get girls to attend a fraternity party? Was it not I who organized a dognapping ring in my youth in which we would take dogs from people’s yards and return them when they put up reward signs? Was it not I who would approach any fetching young lass who tickled my fancy without fear of rejection because I always figured it was better to strike out swinging than to idly watch an opportunity walk by me?
I was all those things, but as I aged, I realized that I was also a person wo desperately needed down time. As early as my young twenties, when I was living in a shithole that should have been condemned wit about 8 other animals like me, I started to realize how much I actually relished the rare instances when NOBODY was home but me. As I got older, I realized that the amount of time the Jekyll in my personality erupted was directly proportional to the amount of time I needed to be Mr. Hide.
Now that I am in my early 50s with two teens, a 5 year old, a puppy, and a wife, I look forward to the magic hour of 8:30 PM. On weeknights, that is generally the time when the teens disappear, the five year old goes to bed, my wife reads upstairs in our bed, and I have the whole glorious middle floor to myself. What do I do? I drink beer, I watch The Simpsons, I rewatch old movies I have seen a 100 times, and I revel in the time that I have alone- free of students’ questions and creating soccer drills, free of thoughts of taxes or taxing situations, and free to allow the introvert who stands in the shadows of my extroverted self for 16 hours out of the day to take over and enjoy the bliss of chilling the hell out.
Maybe the Myers- Briggs tests from so long ago really were telling me who I would be rather than who I was at the moment, because I have grown emotionally and into pretty much the exact person the old MB said I was which is nice, since my physical growth stopped at a rather disappointing 5'8".
I wonder if everyone gets a little more covetous of their down time or, if for some, it works in reverse, and familiarity with oneself cause an explosion of extroversion.
I will be interested to see if any of y’all have an opinion. I will check back later because it is party time- for now!