Ask the Google Doc! NO MASKS!

Dr. Cascio, singing karaoke while intoxicated

Please, call me Dr. Cascio

In fact, I insist.

I deserve the title after having spent so much time reading information about the pandemic.

No, I didn’t go to med school alright? But let’s not split hairs here. Just because I didn’t spend one second walking down the proper academic pathway to actually earn one of the most prestigious titles in all the world doesn’t mean anything!

I have something those hoity-toity folks who think they are so great just because they spent years actually studying some of the most abstruse and life-saving subjects on the planet DON’T have : a little search engine called Google.

With Google, I can easily find opinions that back up my uneducated opinion with even MORE uneducated opinions and POOF , they become reality .

Dr. Cascio, displaying excellent judgment with a mullet.

Dr. Fauci- HA! What does he know? I mean so he graduated first in his class from Cornell medical school. Hell, Andrew Bernard went to Cornell too, and you all saw what HE was worth, he couldn’t even outwit Dwight!

And yeah, ok, he was the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Disease’s Laboratory of Clinical Investigation and has been the right hand medical man for every president since Ronald Reagan , but I was a lifeguard at a swimming pool!

Actually, I was a lifeguard at SEVERAL swimming pools and nobody EVER died under my watch, so my English and Education Degrees PLUS my past excellence at sitting in a chair watching people swim in 5 feet of water certainly TRUMPS Fauci’s paltry accomplishments — wouldn’t you say?

So take off those masks people! Send your children to school without them too , because we all know that schools are such sterile environments!

Since you have read this far, I have a tip for you : if you are looking for a cheap vacation, how about a little safari down the Ebola river in the Congo? Everyone is so hung up about the “possibility” of bleeding out from every orifice of their body while fever broils their organs that you can get a ticket for next to nothing! Fools!

Dr. Cascio, holding a baby he in no way helped deliver.

Science has actually convinced us that there are invisible entities which can be detrimental to our lives and that we should take precautions to make sure we can’t get them! Ha!

Well take it from Dr. Cascio- feel free to ditch the masks and proceed as recklessly as you wish because this is all just a fairy tale dreamed up to keep us in line like sheep.

Now, I am off to church!

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Dr. Dad Bod

Dr. Dad Bod

I am a husband, father, teacher, and soccer coach, and aspiring writer residing in Northern Virginia. More than anything, I love having fun and pushing myself!