A Conversation With An Evangelical

Me: Hey __________ , I see that you wrote “Happy Columbus Day” on your Facebook timeline. Why?

_________: Because it’s Columbus Day. It’s always been Columbus Day!

Me: Always? What about before Columbus “discovered” America?

_________: You know what I meant

Me: Perhaps so, but for the sake of this line of questioning I want to be clear.

_________: In my lifetime, it has always been Columbus Day! Therefore, it’s Columbus Day to me.

Me: Ah, I see. Your experience should dictate the present for all of us. What if there was clear evidence that Columbus was, in fact, a murderous fiend, that makes no difference?

_________: No

Me: I see. Tell me, if I said you were a “good” person would you take that as a compliment?

_________: Yes, sure.

Me: Ok, if I said Christians were really good people, would that be complimentary?

_________: Yes

Me: Ok, if I said the weather was good, would it be synonymous with fine?

_________: Well, maybe not exactly, but yes I think the context would be the same.

Me: So, when Trump said there were “very fine” people on both sides of the Charlottesville riot, and one of those sides was composed of Nazis, Trump did compliment Nazis correct!

________: No!!!!!

Me: I don’t understand. If I said you were a “very fine” man, you would be complimented, but when Trump said there were “ very fine” people on both sides , you don’t think that is a compliment?

_________: You’re mixing things up!

Me: I don’t think I am the one mixed up. You want to call Columbus Day Columbus Day in spite of a plethora of evidence that Columbus was a pretty vile person, and you insist that Trump wasn’t complimenting Nazis even though you earlier agreed that calling someone or something fine is a compliment. There seems to be some correlation there. Why would anyone want to laud evil, especially if they are a Christian. You are a Christian right?

_________: You know I am

Me: Yes, that is true, I did know that already. And can you explain why you believe in God?

_________: I can’t really explain it . I just know it to be true. I have experienced Him

Me: Ahhh, but what if someone hasn’t experienced Him?

__________: That’s their loss, but it’s never too late.

Me: So you say. However, should someone who has not experienced Him abide by your beliefs even if they haven’t seen Him or experienced Him?

__________: If they want to be saved, yes

Me: Saved from what?

_________: Hell!

Me: Oh, you mean the place full of fire and brimstone where wrongdoers endure an eternity of anguish and sorrow at the hands of a merciful God?

__________: Yes!!

Me: Ahhhh. That makes sense. Well, what if I am skeptical about your beliefs because I know that you don’t believe that Columbus Day’s name should be changed and you don’t believe a president who praised Nazis praised Nazis?

___________: I didn’t know you were going to attack me!

Me: I am not attacking you. What Columbus did to the indigenous people- those were attacks. I am asking you questions and you are free to leave at any time of course.

___________: I know I am free to leave! You can’t control me!

Me: This is true, but you know who weren’t free to leave? The slaves Columbus forced into servitude and the Jews seized by the Nazis.

___________: F- you, I am out of here.

Me: God Bless!